Showery thoughts

I was dead. I was standing in the middle of my room. My room; a normal bachelor room: old food on the table near the bed where the blanket lies on the corner, what appears as a chair; clearly mounted by a pyramid of cloths. The desk is next to me, that’s where my laptop, tens of unfinished coffee cups-which at some point I use them as an ashtray too. The laptop is always open, mainly on desktop; you can see one of Max Payne’s comic strips as a background. In this background you can see Max Payne falling, while he is saying “No matter how long you spend climbing up. You can still fall back down in an instant”. I was standing in the middle of the room, staring at my dead body lying on the floor. I was lying dead in agony and misery. You can see the gestures of misery and agony crafted on my face. Agony because I was mad to die at such a young age. At that age you are full of energy, dreams and hope. When you feel that you have the potential to change the world, you start to try, ...

Oh me, what have I done? What is wrong with me? for everything is now gone. Oh me, I am lost and tormented, in a raft in an old angry sea with no hope, and no rising sun.

I hear whispers of a devil enchanting me for a so called heaven I hear the voice of sin uncharted, unrested, yet so blissful to listen. I hear his agony, demanding in persistence, I can feel him around, I try to disobey, yet this beautiful sound makes me succumb, and as I fall to the ground, he hails for my weakness: Come, my son, come, for you have been re-found. A black abyss, under the dome, A dark eternal loneliness, my own new home. I cried myself to sleep the pain was yet too deep, I submitted to his will, yet his will for me is to be a sheep. Strayed in no man's land, I betrayed my own beliefs, I conquered my own world, to seat him on the throne of my own fears. Hope, Despair, Life, Death, A life of lust. of what was supposed to be disgust.