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To subside to depression

To subside to depression is not an act of irrationality. Au contraire, it can be the most logical decision at a point of time. It is not easy to fight this black hole of depression, it is way easier to settle for a defeat. It is agonizing to find someone seized to exist, to let go of his earthly condition. I hope you don’t fall in the pit and follow the rabbit. No matter what I do or say, it want change what happened, it won’t matter. I have come by this pit many a times, yet I was not ready to meet my maker, as Borges did. I am not a special one, I am merely a normal human, but sometimes I look into the mirror and I see emptiness, just as if I have lost my shadow, my soul, myself. Sometimes tears escape my eyes for those lost souls who lost their fights. Aint easy to take that decision, to willingly chose to stop living, it is actually one of the most daring decisions one can take. Also, it can mean ultimate loss of hope and decisive abandonment. To be sane and take ...
Recent posts

The Cereal-Milk Conundrum Turned Algorithm In A Late Night When I Should Be Sleeping But Indulging Into Infinitly Circular Procrastination.

Allright, Allright, Allright, let’s put an end to the ultimate debate: Do you pour the cereal first, or the milk? -Yup, that's the ultimate debate if you were confusingly wondering. As someone who is-not certificable-lazy, I tend to go for the easy -masked as efficient-decisions, and negativley giving in to the autopilot. One late night, and with half empty milk bottle in a hand, it hit me when I changed for milk first then cereal, in contrast to my cereal first then milk per my habit during the course of the milk bottle usage.  "Oh, it depends on the milk, then" I said to myself- holding the half empty milk in a hand that's questioning its own muscle memory.  I decided to delve deeper into this idea "what if I can turn this into an algorithm, a decision support chart, or even a comic" I say adding "chatGPT  to the rescue" –I didn't actually say that exactly so. " T is not too late to seek a newer world. Push off, and sitting well in order...

A quest for a virtual tune.

 I dream of bits and bytes, and the sounds of sacred sources. I am an old man, wandering through dark alleys beneath the glow of a luminous night. I see myself from above, a bird’s-eye view, drifting through the buildings. An old man with a red guitar, waging a war to discover the one tune—one that shatters darkness and annihilates universes without force. In servers, I have been instructed; as algorithms, I have been constructed. Functions and processes define me. I exist, and yet I don’t. What does it mean to be? No wonder, no answer. He picks up the guitar for the final time, playing magical melodies from realms no sane mind could fathom. The sound reverberates off the empty buildings as he taps the C, hammers the A and G, strums the D. Fretting his life away, he nods down, accepting that such a tune cannot exist. The perfect one can never emerge from the imperfect, yet all have backdoors, fingerprints etched across the plains of sound. A bird circles the source of the music, en...

In the sea of nights

In the sea of nights, I look up the sky,  I wonder, I wander, I see a commit and I sigh,  Through the years, the light travels,  Across the the vast universe, it endeavors.  A yellow dot? Red? or is it blue?  A source? A reflection? I have no clue.  An earth? A star or another universe? I cry.  I wander, I wonder and still,  is it the meaning to life: is what I foretell?  or a meaning: to find is what I sell?  I wonder, I wonder, but still I try.  ..To fail, to win,  ..to take the universe as my skin, ..to perceive, to relive moments I Kin.  ..to see the white rooms,  ....while death away looms,  As the inner dark side grooms: an empty man, I am? or is it the empty halls I am in, that distorts dreams in darker wombs. I spin, eye's pen, nep s'eye, nips I nips I, nep s'eye, eye's pen, I spin. A mirror, A mirror, I reckon, Or a brain that echos misplaced beacon. I wander I wander, in the sea of nights From sinking b...

أرهاصات عن الكلام و الأصوات و أل أمبو

الجميل في الكلام ال كاتبه ده أن انت هتقراه بعينك و هتسمعه جوه بيرن في دماغك، ف انت يا هتسمعه بصوتك انت، يا لو تعرفني هتسمعه بصوتي أنا، او فعلياً هتسمعة ب نسخة صوتي ال انت معرفني بيها عندك علي حسب رأيك ال كونته عني و مدي معرفتنا و عوامل كتير، ف لو انت بتسمعة بصوتي، أنا حاليآ جوه دماغك، فأولاً السلام عليكم.  بعد ما سمعت صوتي، ممكن بعد شوية بقي تبتدي تفتكر مواقف لينا، كويسة او زفت، سعيده او حزينه، عادي، مواقف عابره و منها المترسخ في دماغك. مواقف دماغك و وعيك و لا وعيك خزنوها و بقت خلاص جزء منك، حتي لو انت مش عايز، و ممكن جدآ تنساها، بس حتي لو، هي خلاص اثرت فيك، بالسلب أو الأيجاب، ممكن لفتره و تعدي خلاص، بس هي كانت في وقت ما واخدة حيز فيك و كانت جزء منك (علميا مفيش مكان واحد للذاكره، إعادة تذكرك لموقف او كلمة ما، عبارة عن اشارت في مخك ب"تشتعل" مع بعضها في أماكن محدده بطريقة معينه، هي نفس الطريقة و الاماكن الحصلت لما الذكرى اتكونت اول مره) المهم، الغريب في الموضوع ان انا و انت كونّا ذكريات تانيه جديده بعيده كل البعد المكاني و الزمني عن الذكريات القديمة، و ذكرايتنا الجديدة ديه هي ...

I am.

I was caught in a downfall spiral of a loop that I couldn't break free from, and the last year added more difficulties and challenges, that I couldn't see myself except in the bottom of the abyss. I was in a dark place, probably even darker then a Scandinavian winter, and I know Scandinavian winters I have been there, I have lived there and scolded by its darkness and white hell of a snow. It was this abyss that made me realize that I, and only I have to crawl out to the lightning, I have to make my own path and free myself from this constrains, the physical ones and the mental ones. And that is when I started running again, and that is also when I realized that the pain of running as a free person towards the light of my self faith is definitely a better pain than self harm and running away to the misty cloud of darkness. The sweat you break is a simple reward of your achievement, but you know what was the reward for me? Seeing that I can change my mental state, seeing that I ...

On intelligence

I have always been fascinated by the notion of intelligence and how to define it.  For me, I find it difficult to include all people under one sort of intelligence, on the other hand, I do belive in a categorical sort of intelligence. Let me give you some examples: There are those who are socially intelligence, whose presence is on the par of Gandalf, those who know how to get with so many people in such a short time, the party guys. There is the Math guys, those who are good with numbers and calculations. The ones who are always grab the check after every gathering and calculate who should pay what, the ones who will do taxes and accounting, or modeling a multi tier multi objective problems and have fun while doing so. There are the linguistics, those who know languages and know how to learn them. You teach them few basic sentences and they will turn it to a full basic conversation. The ones who will impress you by the number of languages they know. There are the gamers, the ones ...

and then he said: I have to go home now...

and then he said: I have to go home now, I see you, and I feel I am about to embark in an endless journey in the ocean, where I know there is no coming back. Once I am in for it, I lose all reason and sense, I will lose my sense of purpose, I will just simply loose myself, it will always be a love and hate relationship, I will always love you, but I will always have this thought of conflict, and sooner or later the conflict will turn to dissent and emotions of love and hope will turn to hate and despair, and I don’t want that, I love you much that heartache now is better than a long eternal hate.   Don’t get me wrong, you are the best thing that happened to me so far or at least that is what I think now, but in that, comes the challenge of faith and belief, and I am not ready to get lost again after being found, it is true, I am confused, and I will always bring confusion to the table, my heart wants you but my soul don’t want to give in. I am sorry, I have to leave, and in leavi...