Showery thoughts

I was caught in a downfall spiral of a loop that I couldn't break free from, and the last year added more difficulties and challenges, that I couldn't see myself except in the bottom of the abyss. I was in a dark place, probably even darker then a Scandinavian winter, and I know Scandinavian winters I have been there, I have lived there and scolded by its darkness and white hell of a snow. It was this abyss that made me realize that I, and only I have to crawl out to the lightning, I have to make my own path and free myself from this constrains, the physical ones and the mental ones. And that is when I started running again, and that is also when I realized that the pain of running as a free person towards the light of my self faith is definitely a better pain than self harm and running away to the misty cloud of darkness. The sweat you break is a simple reward of your achievement, but you know what was the reward for me? Seeing that I can change my mental state, seeing that I ...

I have always been fascinated by the notion of intelligence and how to define it.  For me, I find it difficult to include all people under one sort of intelligence, on the other hand, I do belive in a categorical sort of intelligence. Let me give you some examples: There are those who are socially intelligence, whose presence is on the par of Gandalf, those who know how to get with so many people in such a short time, the party guys. There is the Math guys, those who are good with numbers and calculations. The ones who are always grab the check after every gathering and calculate who should pay what, the ones who will do taxes and accounting, or modeling a multi tier multi objective problems and have fun while doing so. There are the linguistics, those who know languages and know how to learn them. You teach them few basic sentences and they will turn it to a full basic conversation. The ones who will impress you by the number of languages they know. There are the gamers, the ones ...

and then he said: I have to go home now, I see you, and I feel I am about to embark in an endless journey in the ocean, where I know there is no coming back. Once I am in for it, I lose all reason and sense, I will lose my sense of purpose, I will just simply loose myself, it will always be a love and hate relationship, I will always love you, but I will always have this thought of conflict, and sooner or later the conflict will turn to dissent and emotions of love and hope will turn to hate and despair, and I don’t want that, I love you much that heartache now is better than a long eternal hate.   Don’t get me wrong, you are the best thing that happened to me so far or at least that is what I think now, but in that, comes the challenge of faith and belief, and I am not ready to get lost again after being found, it is true, I am confused, and I will always bring confusion to the table, my heart wants you but my soul don’t want to give in. I am sorry, I have to leave, and in leavi...

Sitting in the train, gazing at the snow-white mountains in this sunny mid-winter day, I was caught suddenly in this dreamy conversation that I now recall. He -I do not know who he really was, as I said I was suddenly drawn to this guy talking- started talking: “Wahrnehmung/ Wahrnehmen” or Perception or just to perceive. “You know? If you cut it down it literally means the word true/real and the verb to take”. I look at him questionably, wondering even if I was part of this conversation, looking for any other witnesses of this invasion of my privacy (no not really, I was actually eager to hear what he have to offer). He continues: “Now, as a person who likes to play with words and make links between one in a language and one in another, I am always triggered to find the logic, the basic engineering, the, the architecture ingenuity behind a language, I really find this German word amazing.” Rubbing the back of his head, playfully passes his hand on his dark yet graying unruly unkempt cu...

هذه القصة لا تمت للواقع بصلة وأي تشابه بين الشخصيات الموجودة فيها وبين الحقيقة هو من وحي خيال القارئ. في عالم موازي على ناصية مجرة تبعد عننا بحوالي ساعتين بالدائري المجري الخامس جلس صديقي الفضائي ببزته الخضراء اللزجه يحكي و يخابرني عن قصص السابقين كعادتنا في إنتظار الأتوبيس المجري الذاهب إلى مجرة البلبل المعوج، طفق يحكي لاحساً من بوظته: مجدي عبده الملواني مجدي، طالب ثانوي في مدرسة أهل الخير الحميدة الداخلية النموذجية الحلزونية الكشفية المهلبية تحت الطبلية. و في المدرسة ناظر مدير مهمته إدارة شؤون المدرسة و التأكيد على سير العملية التعلمية و الأخلاقية و الأقتصادية في المدرسة. و بما إن الناظر  تتلمذ و تعلم و ترعرع تحت منهج الكشافة العظيم، كان طبيعي أن معظم الطاقم الاداري للمدرسة و متخذي القرار يكون ذو خلفية كشفية مبجلة، لم لها من سبق كبير في إدارة المدرسة عبر أجيال بعد تحول المدرسة من نظام الملكية الشخصية لإدارة محلية طحينية. و دة في حد ذاته شيء مش غريب ولا جديد في إدارة المدارس، ف من المتعارف عليه أن كل ناظر مدير بيأتي بأصدقائه و معارفه أصحاب نفس الاتجاه الفكري الإداري ...

He asked me: “Do you think conformity (as in following certain thought process, idea, fashion, be it scientific, social or religious) can be considered as brain wash or thought control?”. I was baffled, I did not know what to say, and at that point, I did not want to argue, to be frank, I just wanted to lay back and listen to this disturbed fading image of a man. He continued: “Media, advertisements, religious and political institutions all bombard us unconsciously with certain images, and ideas that makes us believe that this is the norm, this is the right, this is how should it be, and this is what you should believe. You do not have to think anymore (and of course not critically), just follow blindly, because they know better, and they want the better for us. Follow the heard, or you will be shunned, and you do not want that, it became inherited in us that we think we want to be part of this cog, we believe we want to belong, to be liked, to strive for others acceptance. It b...

Ok don't know where to start from. What is life? Which life? One self's life? The life of all people all together, all living things?  The thing is, everything is connected, one can not consider his life alone. I believe or I like to believe that decisions we make affect all of us all together, one way or the other. Still, what is life? My own idea will be picturesque as I like to visualize things. For me life can be just sitting in front of a lake in a sunny winter day. It can be the moment when you step at the highest point of a mountain. It can be free roaming in the night at a very highly populated city. It can be the feeling of a gentle breath of fresh air, it can be the sound of the ocean. The traffic in the morning, and the complete utter silence of the night. It can be the good well deserved night sleep. It can be the break of a sweet while runing across the street while singing like a euphoric teenager. It can be a kiss goodbye. It can be a flight back home. It can be ...