Showery thoughts

In the sea of nights, I look up the sky,  I wonder, I wander, I see a commit and I sigh,  Through the years, the light travels,  Across the the vast universe, it endeavors.  A yellow dot? Red? or is it blue?  A source? A reflection? I have no clue.  An earth? A star or another universe? I cry.  I wander, I wonder and still,  is it the meaning to life: is what I foretell?  or a meaning: to find is what I sell?  I wonder, I wonder, but still I try.  ..To fail, to win,  ..to take the universe as my skin, ..to perceive, to relive moments I Kin.  ..to see the white rooms,  ....while death away looms,  As the inner dark side grooms: an empty man, I am? or is it the empty halls I am in, that distorts dreams in darker wombs. I spin, eye's pen, nep s'eye, nips I nips I, nep s'eye, eye's pen, I spin. A mirror, A mirror, I reckon, Or a brain that echos misplaced beacon. I wander I wander, in the sea of nights From sinking b...

الجميل في الكلام ال كاتبه ده أن انت هتقراه بعينك و هتسمعه جوه بيرن في دماغك، ف انت يا هتسمعه بصوتك انت، يا لو تعرفني هتسمعه بصوتي أنا، او فعلياً هتسمعة ب نسخة صوتي ال انت معرفني بيها عندك علي حسب رأيك ال كونته عني و مدي معرفتنا و عوامل كتير، ف لو انت بتسمعة بصوتي، أنا حاليآ جوه دماغك، فأولاً السلام عليكم.  بعد ما سمعت صوتي، ممكن بعد شوية بقي تبتدي تفتكر مواقف لينا، كويسة او زفت، سعيده او حزينه، عادي، مواقف عابره و منها المترسخ في دماغك. مواقف دماغك و وعيك و لا وعيك خزنوها و بقت خلاص جزء منك، حتي لو انت مش عايز، و ممكن جدآ تنساها، بس حتي لو، هي خلاص اثرت فيك، بالسلب أو الأيجاب، ممكن لفتره و تعدي خلاص، بس هي كانت في وقت ما واخدة حيز فيك و كانت جزء منك (علميا مفيش مكان واحد للذاكره، إعادة تذكرك لموقف او كلمة ما، عبارة عن اشارت في مخك ب"تشتعل" مع بعضها في أماكن محدده بطريقة معينه، هي نفس الطريقة و الاماكن الحصلت لما الذكرى اتكونت اول مره) المهم، الغريب في الموضوع ان انا و انت كونّا ذكريات تانيه جديده بعيده كل البعد المكاني و الزمني عن الذكريات القديمة، و ذكرايتنا الجديدة ديه هي ...

I was caught in a downfall spiral of a loop that I couldn't break free from, and the last year added more difficulties and challenges, that I couldn't see myself except in the bottom of the abyss. I was in a dark place, probably even darker then a Scandinavian winter, and I know Scandinavian winters I have been there, I have lived there and scolded by its darkness and white hell of a snow. It was this abyss that made me realize that I, and only I have to crawl out to the lightning, I have to make my own path and free myself from this constrains, the physical ones and the mental ones. And that is when I started running again, and that is also when I realized that the pain of running as a free person towards the light of my self faith is definitely a better pain than self harm and running away to the misty cloud of darkness. The sweat you break is a simple reward of your achievement, but you know what was the reward for me? Seeing that I can change my mental state, seeing that I ...

I have always been fascinated by the notion of intelligence and how to define it.  For me, I find it difficult to include all people under one sort of intelligence, on the other hand, I do belive in a categorical sort of intelligence. Let me give you some examples: There are those who are socially intelligence, whose presence is on the par of Gandalf, those who know how to get with so many people in such a short time, the party guys. There is the Math guys, those who are good with numbers and calculations. The ones who are always grab the check after every gathering and calculate who should pay what, the ones who will do taxes and accounting, or modeling a multi tier multi objective problems and have fun while doing so. There are the linguistics, those who know languages and know how to learn them. You teach them few basic sentences and they will turn it to a full basic conversation. The ones who will impress you by the number of languages they know. There are the gamers, the ones ...

and then he said: I have to go home now, I see you, and I feel I am about to embark in an endless journey in the ocean, where I know there is no coming back. Once I am in for it, I lose all reason and sense, I will lose my sense of purpose, I will just simply loose myself, it will always be a love and hate relationship, I will always love you, but I will always have this thought of conflict, and sooner or later the conflict will turn to dissent and emotions of love and hope will turn to hate and despair, and I don’t want that, I love you much that heartache now is better than a long eternal hate.   Don’t get me wrong, you are the best thing that happened to me so far or at least that is what I think now, but in that, comes the challenge of faith and belief, and I am not ready to get lost again after being found, it is true, I am confused, and I will always bring confusion to the table, my heart wants you but my soul don’t want to give in. I am sorry, I have to leave, and in leavi...

Sitting in the train, gazing at the snow-white mountains in this sunny mid-winter day, I was caught suddenly in this dreamy conversation that I now recall. He -I do not know who he really was, as I said I was suddenly drawn to this guy talking- started talking: “Wahrnehmung/ Wahrnehmen” or Perception or just to perceive. “You know? If you cut it down it literally means the word true/real and the verb to take”. I look at him questionably, wondering even if I was part of this conversation, looking for any other witnesses of this invasion of my privacy (no not really, I was actually eager to hear what he have to offer). He continues: “Now, as a person who likes to play with words and make links between one in a language and one in another, I am always triggered to find the logic, the basic engineering, the, the architecture ingenuity behind a language, I really find this German word amazing.” Rubbing the back of his head, playfully passes his hand on his dark yet graying unruly unkempt cu...

هذه القصة لا تمت للواقع بصلة وأي تشابه بين الشخصيات الموجودة فيها وبين الحقيقة هو من وحي خيال القارئ. في عالم موازي على ناصية مجرة تبعد عننا بحوالي ساعتين بالدائري المجري الخامس جلس صديقي الفضائي ببزته الخضراء اللزجه يحكي و يخابرني عن قصص السابقين كعادتنا في إنتظار الأتوبيس المجري الذاهب إلى مجرة البلبل المعوج، طفق يحكي لاحساً من بوظته: مجدي عبده الملواني مجدي، طالب ثانوي في مدرسة أهل الخير الحميدة الداخلية النموذجية الحلزونية الكشفية المهلبية تحت الطبلية. و في المدرسة ناظر مدير مهمته إدارة شؤون المدرسة و التأكيد على سير العملية التعلمية و الأخلاقية و الأقتصادية في المدرسة. و بما إن الناظر  تتلمذ و تعلم و ترعرع تحت منهج الكشافة العظيم، كان طبيعي أن معظم الطاقم الاداري للمدرسة و متخذي القرار يكون ذو خلفية كشفية مبجلة، لم لها من سبق كبير في إدارة المدرسة عبر أجيال بعد تحول المدرسة من نظام الملكية الشخصية لإدارة محلية طحينية. و دة في حد ذاته شيء مش غريب ولا جديد في إدارة المدارس، ف من المتعارف عليه أن كل ناظر مدير بيأتي بأصدقائه و معارفه أصحاب نفس الاتجاه الفكري الإداري ...