So I decided I cannot miss that amazing scenery. I arrived home, changed my clothes, got my camera, and started to walk. It takes around five minutes to go there. I arrived and was struck by the amazing scenery, it captured my heart, my brain was trying fathom and comprehend the details this beautifulness.
I took out my camera, set the mode to make the shutter open for fifteen seconds in order to absorb and collect much light, took couple of pictures. The weather was rather cold, almost zero degrees, so whilst taking the picture and trying to fix the right position of the camera and the tripod, I was experiencing a slight pain in my fingers as they were simply freezing. I then wandered around to relocate and get another view of this wonderful scene.
So, I started moving, got myself in a dark forest-like road, it was not long, yet it was long enough not to see its end. I was wearing my contact lenses, which in fact was not very helpful because other than being short sighted I also suffer from Astigmatism, which if you do not know makes you see things blurry. Making my way through this dark passage, and due to my eye blurriness, I was starting to see things moving, I thought “Nice, a bear or a wolf” so I got my camera, set the flash on, and took photos like a maniac while running in order to see my way while escaping this labyrinth.
It came to me that I have been there before; it was just the sense of adventure, fear, anxiety and the darkness made me think I am in a different place. It seems that our minds tend to play tricks when we are controlled by emotions that are the product of fear of death and danger and/or others. And those who are able to control these emotions and suppress them are obviously the winners in the game of life.
I took another couple of pictures, freezing my hand more and more. I started to lose sense on the tip of my fingers; it was actually painful to press the shutter button to take the pictures. Eventually I accomplished what I came for. A subtle smile escaped, with a sense of triumph chilling me, or maybe it was just the cold.
As I thought it was enough for today, I looked at the fjord for the last time-or that what I thought at the moment- worth mentioning that a ghost of a thought of swimming in the fjord was haunting me dauntingly in the previous days. I stood there, I guess for a substantial amount of time, trying to weigh the pros and cons of taking a bath in the freezing water, windy cold zero degrees weather at midnight. Well, I think that whenever someone is determined to do something, no matter the obstacles are, he will do it. Same happened with me.
I got out of my clothes, needless to say, as soon as that happened, I was cheered with the really cold wind, or maybe it is the same wind, yet my jacket was holding it off. Anyways, I ran to the cold water, I should be frank, once my bare feet touched the cold water, my brain started to recalculate and send me messages that this absurd and probably not the greatest idea, yet I neglected it and took a leap of faith. I jumped into the water, immersing myself forcibly into the cold hell. I think it was just a second, yet I felt my entire life pass before my eyes-that are by the way hurting me due to the cold water. I saw pictures of me as a kid, walking to nursery, wearing hideous cloth, kindergarten memories, mid-school, high school, characters of novels coming to life in front of me; reciting quotes “Please sir, I want some more” lines of poems I recently read “Is all the we see or seem, but a dream within a dream”, college years memories, teachers, colleagues, travelling, summer, ideas and thoughts, all being projected before me.
I refused to submit to the coldness that is killing me, I got out, with a scream not from my vocal cords, but from my whole body, it was from inside out, every inch, no, every atom if I may say was screaming out of pain. I got out and ran towards my clothes, with my wet body and cold wind hitting my cadaverous faint body; it felt like a million rusted-not sharp needles are being pinched powerfully through my skin, in and out. Pain now has a new definition. It came to me that if this is pain, than what I thought was pain before was just a tickling. I put on my clothes quickly, ran back home while breathing like I never breathed before, life has a meaning now. Home seems far away, every step I take brings me closer to home, yet closer to hypothermia (that was what I was thinking).
Arriving home, I felt like I am back to my kingdom. Yet my little immature experience here made me think about how much can the human body endure pain, how can we suppress pain, pain being any type: physical, emotional, etc. It made me think about boundaries and obstacles and how we think about things that they are impossible to achieve, yet they are just another constraint, another obstacles, yet to be broken. And what is life if it lacks obstacles and constraints, what is the meaning of life then? We come by those obstacles and break them, pushing our own boundaries a step forward, getting ready and well equipped for our next war; our next obstacle.
I quote the following from Ulysses by Lord Alfred Tennyson:
“Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”
Molde, Norway.
Late 26th-early 27th March 2013
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